July in retrospect; an objective lesson in humility.

How do you express in mere words when everything you believe in is being tested?

When I had to say yes or no to stopping my father's medication, I knew what his own wishes were and I knew perfectly well what my own position on the matter was. My Father was not going to be left like a vegetable, incapable of conscious response or whilst indifferent people moved about him as if he weren't there.

As a teenager I too contemplated those weighty issues which young adults take so seriously. I adopted a series of social and political beliefs based on what I thought was my unique understanding of the world about me. In later years those illusions were stripped from me, one by one until I reached the point where I came to understand that they weren't really my beliefs at all. They were the product of my environment which I had adopted as if they were mine own. It took forty years, but I finally came to understand what wisdom is. I'm not saying I've grown wise, only that I've finally come to realise that when I founded most of my morals, I was operating under false assumptions.

Ironically, I still hold to some of my cherished belief's. I still believe over population is the biggest problem facing the human race and so it is an act of near immorality to have more than two children.

Facing the prospect of aborting our third child, or accepting responsibility for letting my father die has put my beliefs to the test. When the time came, I found it impossible to contemplate killing our child and I found it almost impossible to say yes to stopping my Fathers medication. July 2010 has taught me some very interesting lessons about self deception. In both instances I chose what I thought was the best option and I hope I was right, but I think I'm kidding myself if I think I had any real say in the matter or if I think my convictions rest upon anything but wishful thinking.



Carry forth as a guardian to Kingdom Come
With your daggers of the spirit
Let the dagger run
With the Fist of Fire
Be the master now
As the darkness of ages past

Riches silver and gold
In the liquid sea
Cast a net can you catch
So you can't see me

As in death you can climb
Higher through the sky
Show your wings
Surely you can fly

Fly away past the guardian to Kingdom Come
See the miracle of life
Disappear it's gone

2 x Go carry your silver ships of light
3 x Go carry your silver ships of life

Keep the fire in your hand
It won't let you drown
As you fly with your wings
Won't come falling down

See the flower of youth
Disappear on high
As you gather your true wings
About to fly

To be ready
To be strong
Make it run

This righteous
This wrong
This right
This love

This is how nature controls
The way of all things
this is how the angels sing
Not afraid
No, not afraid
Not afraid of this or that
Not afraid

Carry forth as a guardian to Kingdom Come
With the ghost
And the spirit
Let the fire run

Through the darkest age
We can surely fly
Through the darkest age
With the Fist Of Fire
Through the darkest age
With the Fist of Fire