So last thursday I went to Silkeborg hospital to have myself sterilised, and allowed myself to be subjected to a most painful experience. I was assured that the procedure seldom took as long as twenty minutes, from start to finish and there would be some discomfort and pain in the following days.
A quick jab with a needle full of lidocaine and the surgeon began. At first I felt very little but then I realised it was starting to hurt in my lower abdomen. More lidocaine followed, but the pain only seemed to get worse. After a good fifteen minutes. listening to the surgeon muttering to himself about how he'd 'never encountered anything like this before' I interrupted to ask what the problem was. I'd expected to be finished by that time but they didn't seem to be getting anywhere.
As it happens, my medical file didn't mention the fact that when I was a boy I had had an operation on my left testicle, so the surgeon found himself dealing with something unexpected. I don't know why the previous operation wasn't mentioned. Granted it took place in the UK, and I was only ten or so at the time, but I have since informed my GP about it, and I have been examined thoroughly since in order to ascertain whether or not the left testicle was at all functional. I was told it probably was.
On thursday however, with said testicle in hand, so to speak, I was informed that there didn't appear to be anything for the surgeon to cut. The testicle appeared to be undeveloped. As it happens, I have probably only had one functioning testicle all my life.
Unfortunately by this time, the left testicle had undergone considerable trauma, and once the right testicle had been snipped (a matter of 90 seconds) and popped back in, the left testicle was already throbbing with pain. More lidocaine followed. I was sewn back up and asked to wait thirty minutes in the waiting room (just in case I bled to death or summat) and then allowed to leave. Mette and Freja picked me up and we all drove home.
That was five days ago and the right testicle is fairly good again, but the last few days have been unbelievably painful. Within twenty four hours I had a hugely swollen, dark purple scrotum with the bruise spreading up my lower abdomen and down between my arse cheeks. This stopped some time during the second day but the pain in my left testicle grew steadily and today I was obliged to visit my GP to get some stronger pain medication and for an examination. I had been led to believe sterilisation was a simple matter, with some discomfort for a few days. Now I'm looking at extreme pain, even taking strong anti-pain medication, over the course of several weeks.
Worse yet. Since the surgeon was unable to find the 'sperm tube' on the left testicle, it may still be intact and functioning. A test in three months time should determine whether or not I'm sterile now, but I may have to go for another operation.