Seeking employment

A new week begins and moif is up and about bright and early. I wish I could say I bring glad tidings but alas, all does not look good. My mother is probably dying of cancer. That is to say, the doctors have told her they cannot stop it. We spent saturday at my parents house and it was not as bad as I'd feared. Naturally there is a sadness looming beyond all, but my Mother appears to be coping with her condition quite well. She was tired and looked it, but her mind is crystal clear though some what jaded. I shall have to return soon without the distraction of my daughter.

There isn't really much to say. When my friend Føns died, it happened so fast that there was no chance to say good bye. One day she was just gone. If I hadn't happened to have called her that day, I doubt any one would have even informed me as I didn't know her parents and we'd not seen each other for a few years. My great regret is not having had the chance to tell her how much she meant to me.

Now I have the chance to tell my Mother how much I love her, I find there really isn't that much to say. Words fail to convey those thoughts and feelings which really matter. My Grandmother died a fortnight ago and I felt nothing for I hardly knew her. Now I'm told my mother will probably die, but there is no time frame. Thus it becomes important to enjoy the time that is left and possibly air all those things that one has left unsaid. With me, thats not much. I'm not certain I have anything left unspoken. Though we've always had communication problems, I love my mother very much and its hard to imagine a world without her.

In the mean time, I am now officially seeking employment. The family needs to grow and to do this we need funds. The long deep sleep of the last few years must end. Mette has found a job, small at first perhaps, but with great potential and an increase of income assured from the beginning and now I must follow suit. I have no idea wha I am able to do. My long term illness and my natural disinclination to seek attention stack the odds against me, but I must surmount these obstacles using that age old secret weapon; optimism!

I must be optimistic, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of my sociophobia's and regardless of my condition!

It may be difficult.