And so I awoke this morning from sleep troubled with turbulent dreams to a familiar pain in my mid section and knew at once what had happened. I have, once more, relapsed for little apparent reason and am bleeding internally again. This has happened before and much will depend on the next few days. It could be a minor bump in the road or it could be long and difficult ascent into the unknown. Which ever it is, I must now endeavour at all costs to retain a sense of optimism, for I have found that this is the only way to find my through these out bursts of bleeding.
The condition from which I suffer, is called colitus ulcerosis but this name means so little as to be useless for the condition itself is so poorly understood that it is often misdiagnosed as one of a variety of other, similar afflictions, some of which are related and others which are not. Suffice to say the doctors have little understanding as to what actually causes colitus ulcerosis with psychosomatic stress being the only obviously known trigger.
Naturally, I have been wracking my brain all morning trying to figure out what could have stressed me out to so great a degree that I have relapsed, and there are several vague possibilities but only one that strikes me as probable. Our friend Malene, lost her brother to leukemia in the week end and I learned of this yesterday. Since I cannot deny I have a mortal fear of cancer, I suppose that this news has affected an influence upon my mind to so great a degree that it has caused my body to react.
I was meant to go swimming today, but in the throes of disapointment, I didn't. Tomorrow, if I stick to my plan and am able to do so, I will cycle out to Moesgaard beach again and hopefully, if the bleeding has subsided, I will attempt to go swimming again on Thursday prior to our next Rocketman game.
9 comments:
Dude,
That majorly sucks. I wish there was something I could do for you.
Because it's coming up on hiking and softball season here, I had a physical last week. A nasty surprise was that my doctor couldn't find my thyroid gland.
Seven years ago, I suddenly began to suffer symptoms of hypothyroidism, including severe depression. I somehow got through it w/o any medication; my doctor thought it may have been a virus of some sort. Now that he can't find my thyroid gland, it looks like it may have atrophied. The $64,000 question is why.
When all this happened even years ago, the levels of TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) were miniscule. TSH is produced by the pituitary gland. If TSH levels are low, there are two possible reasons. Either the pituitary gland has a problem or the thyroid is producing enough or too much thyroid hormone. Since I had a lack of thyroid hormone, and may still, it looks like the culprit is my pituitary.
I share this with you b/c ... well ... I don't really know. Misery loves company? Shared experience? Whatever the reason, I'm trying not to freak out about it b/c that only makes things worse. It got better before, maybe it'll get better again. The easy symptomatic fix is to start taking a synthetic thyroid hormone. Maybe that'll get my metabolism back on track. (I'm at 181½ lbs. now.) Long term, who knows?
Sometimes life is like a roller coaster. The highs are cool and the views are excellent until that sudden death-defying drop that makes us all scream. All we can do right now is ride the scary ride until the next rise comes up.
181Ibs? Is that bad? I have no idea. How tall are you dude?
I'm not certain what is actually wrong with you. Is it some sort of hormonal imbalance caused by the missing gland? Just how serious is it?
What ever it is, I feel for you! Keep your pecker up Ken. You and Lil D are always in my thoughts.
=)
So now you're stressing over what could have caused you to get stressed in the first place? That can't be good.
I know i get worked up over customer visits to the factory and the examination of all that I do. I have this fear that it will expose me and result in my employment being terminated (even though every visit in the last few years has given my work a glowing report). That means I don't sleep, I lose appetite and I lose interest in things that I enjoy.
I want to learn the secret that colleauges have of not being bothered by all this. The MD here isn't worried (is that because he knows I am and so relies on me to sort it all out? Feels that way).
But when I here of your problems it doesn't seem to matter as much.
Get well soon.
colitis ulcerosis is so obscure, I only got 8 references from Google... assuming I got the spelling right.
"Ulcerative Colitis" gets about a million hits though...
Its probably the way the Danes say it backwards or something.
Fwiw, I got the results from my blood test and all is normal. Whew...
181 is the heaviest I've been. If I had more muscle, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad.
There's nothing like a good blood test to relieve the mind eh!?
Now if only the pain would stop!
LOL
This is terrible news, and I'm very sorry that you have to deal with this so frequently. It can't be easy, and it seems like it's a bit of a Catch-22 since anxiety sets it off, but not knowing when/if it's going to happen probably causes a great deal of anxiety on it's own. :(
How are you doing now?
six days later and the bleeding has stopped again. In the mean time the pain I've had in my groin has returned ever sharper than before and now I'm to see a doctor again.
I'm still optimistic however.
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