Over the course of the last few months I've had a small pain in my groin (just above my left testicle) that has increased steadily in intensity. Naturally I went to see my doctor and he prescribed antibiotics on the assumption that it was probably an infection but it quickly became aparent, through lack of results, that this was probably not the case and As the weeks stretched into months I became increasingly despondent as the prospect of having cancer loomed ever larger in my mind. The reason why I became so convinced of this self diagnosis was due to two factors. My dread of the illness which has slowly and inexorably killed so many people I know, and my Mother, who happily treads where fools fear to (never mind angels!) One of her friends has been diagnosed with testicular cancer and given half a year to live and these glad tidings she freely made available to me when I first began to feel the pain. Her friend had only discovered his affliction when a pain began in one of his testicles. As you might imagine, with my ready pessimism, I was unable to disassociate my pain with the possiblity of cancer and the burden of this possibility has weighed some what heavily on my mind in recent weeks.
To make matters worse, a friends brother has recently been diagnosed with advanced luekemia and has been rushed into immdiete chemotherapy. He is a middle aged man with three small children and the parrallel betwen his life and my own was enough to set my fears clanging like church bells in my mind. The thought of dying now and my daughter, who is but 16 months old, growing up with no memory of me was very hard to bear.
So, yesterday I went to an urologist who performed an incision to widen the hole at the end of my penis (to add to my worries, this hole had 'shrunk' of late) and stuck a camera up into my bladder to take a look. He found nothing and pronounced me healthy, but the pain of this experience was something I had not anticipated. After all I'd been given a local anesthetic and felt nothing when the incision was made. To examine the bladder however required it to be pumped full of water and since a penis is not able to seal itself whilst containing a camera, this liquid was forced out of my body giving a sensation not unlike that I would imagine being effected by a stream of lightning. To say it hurt is to describe the sun as 'bright'.
I staggered home and spent the night in a state of mild shock for the worst was yet to come. On Monday I'd been subjected to a blood test and now I had to await the results which were due Thursday morning. Needless to say I spent most of the night trying not to think about the horror of a positive result, and thankfully EVE provided a welcome avenue of escape. At 09:45 this morning I called my GP and after an agonising wait for him to find the results on his computer I was relieved to be told the test proved negative. "In fact your blood indicates you are very well put together" he said.
"Tell that to my testicle" I almost replied, though despite myself I was immensely relieved as can well be imagined and merely thanked him.
Thus my good news is, I do not have cancer and the bad news is, I still have a mysterious pain in my groin (steadily getting worse). My next adventure will involve (I am told) an MRI scan. If it proves as 'painless' as the bladder inspection, then I look forward with dim anticipation to a very unusual experience...
10 comments:
Dren, Moif! I didn't know that you were having such a great amount of worry. I feel terrible for you. :(
I thank the universe that it's not cancer, but I hope that they can figure out how to relieve your pain. It's so difficult to go about your day to day life when you're having to deal with constant pain especially with a little child running around.
As far as MRIs go, they really aren't too bad. I had one before my first jaw surgery, and the worst part of it was having to hold really still in an enclosed space. I was feeling very clausterphobic, but there wasn't any pain involved.
I only get claustrophobia in my dreams.
The weird thing about confronting my mortality is just how difficult it is to be honest about it. So much of my life is wrapped up in some sort of escapism that when I step out of my 'onion' I find there is still another layer waiting for me.
By the time I reached beyond the 'last barrier' I found myself feeling very raw, and also a bit fatalistic. If it hadn't been for Mette and Freja, I doubt I'd have been all that scared, which is both disturbing and comforting at the same time.
I've been swinging my your blog every now and again, and I really enjoyed those EVE trailers.
Stay optimistic man. Whatever the problem is, I'm sure you can defeat it.
Thank you. Have you tried the game itself by any chance?
Good news that it's not the big C Moif.
I have read recently about a pro-footballer in the NFL wo had a similar pain in his groin and couldn't get rid of it. His was caused by a bone spur on his pelvis that was growing into the tissues around the groin. He had keyhole surgery to shave away the spur and after a few months R&R was back playing in the NFL. He was diagnosed after an MRI scan.
Chin up matey.
Congratulations that you don't have what you feared, and obviously I hope that the medics can find out what is causing your pain, and of course treat it.
Do you think that Westerners are generally in denial about mortality until faced with something specific?
Westerners?
Ha! More like humanity as a whole if you ask me. What do you suppose is the true purpose of religion if not to shelter the faithful from the awful impact of mortality?
One of the ironies that occurs to me regarding the idea of a 'Grand Design' is that human beings are just a curious side effect and Gods attention is firmly rooted else where.
By the way, thank Peter for his concern. I was touched to hear he was saddened.
Naw, I haven't played the game. I really liked the long pointy ships. Sort of like a star destroyer, but skinnier and really professional looking.
That trailer does a good job of conveying size and scale. The big ships really look big.
Yes, the Hurricane class battle cruiser. Its one of the new ships that just been introduced into the game, so I don't know how good it is yet.
Wow.
And Yikes!!!
I'm glad to hear that it isn't cancer.
When my brother was 12 or so, he had to have testicular surgery. An appendix of some sort wrapped and twisted itself around his various gonadal nerves.
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